John Gottman is often cited as our country’s foremost expert on relationships, in his book : the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, he lists five principles tips for a loving relationship:
1. Soften your start up
2. Learn to make and receive repair attempts
3. Soothe yourself and each other
5. Be tolerant of each others’ faults
Dr. Gottman notes that a ‘soft start up’ occurs frequently in the happy couples, but you find a ‘harsh start up’ is the rule in unhappy couples. We have gotten in the habit of the ‘harsh’ start up, and most of us know by now that won’t get us very far in terms of our goals. No one is 100% anything, but we can all be in the 80-90 percentile.